


Too Much Love Will Kill You

by CasualtyLover03



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 12:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualtyLover03/pseuds/CasualtyLover03
Summary: Ethan and Alicia are a newly formed couple but the circumstances couldn't be more horrific. Alicia is in a coma and possibly on the verge of dying but the only problem is Ethan has just proposed to her....





	Too Much Love Will Kill You

All of a sudden the monitors monitoring Alicia went crazy. Zoe rushed in with Dylan and Cal ."She's in severe respiratory distress. Dyspneic and Tachypnoeic, oxygen levels and blood pressure dropping.

"Alicia!" I ran to her side but Cal caught hold of my arm ."No Ethan , let Zoe and Dylan handle it okay" 

"She's my girlfriend Cal,"

Zoe's P.O.V.

Dylan looked panicky "any ideas,?" 

"it could be classic transfusion - related acute lung injury ," said Zoe

"okay""she needs high flow oxygen and could we also get a chest x-ray and check blood gases please,"

"we'll check the central venous pressure and normal capillary wedge pressure," said Zoe.

"if they're normal we can rule out transfusion associated circulatory overload and cardiogenic edema."

she looked at the monitor and shook her head ,its not looking good Dylan . we'll intubate with lung protective ventilation. Haemodynamic support on standby ...... and alert Haemotology. - she paused "we then need to arrange a transfer to ICU.

 

Dylan's P.O.V

Again the tube wouldn't be inserted. Zoe shook her head."it's no use."

"let me try" i said but Zoe shook her head 

"We can't make any further attempts , we need to do a Cricothyroidotomy." Zoe located the membrane.

As this was our plan B , the kit was already waiting . I offered it to Zoe ,"are you okay to do this.?"

Zoe nodded "i think so."

"think so isn't good enough, Zoe," "we need the best people and Alicia is a colleague."

"She is not my colleague ," Zoe said firmly . She looked me in the eye.

"I can do this, Dylan." 

Ethan's P.O.V

The hospital seemed to be swaying in front of cal's eyes but he didn't let go of me.He was suprised Dylan let him leave in his current condition,but he was grateful to him. We needed to leave and Alicia my gorgeous fiancee needed every capable medic they could find at the moment and neither me or cal qualified now because i am the closest thing Alicia has to family right now because her Mam is in hospital due to being involved in a high speed RTC and being forced off a cliff and her dad is in america she hasn't seen him for years apparently good riddance to bad rubbish her mam says she calls him a sperm donor and she hasn't allowed him to see Alicia since she a baby but he insisted on video calling her every so often .Cal does not qualify because he is still technically a patient under Dylan's care.

"NO i have to go back to her .!" i cried . I tried to twist away from cal's hold and the action pulled him off balance and i took the opportunity to run because he had let go of me with one arm and he grabbed the wall to stop him from falling , but in his current physical state he had no chance of containing me with one arm.

I pulled away and started to run . Cal called out for me to stop but he knew it would be useless . Then i stopped and stood still for a moment and then it was as if all my bones had collapsed and i flopped to the floor in an undignified heap knocking my glasses askew. Cal finally reached me and sank down beside me and pulled me into a hug and said " i know, Ethan , Its awful, but Zoe and Dylan are good doctors, great doctors even. They're doing their best for Alicia, and if Zoe is right about Transfusion Related Acute Lung Injury (T.R.A.L.I), Alicia has got a chance. A great chance even.

Alicia's P.O.V

I knew i was in the hospital.

I was alone and i was afraid , i was sure someone was looking for me and i wanted to call out, but i didn't know who it was.

"Help me ?!" i whispered but no one replied.

The hospital stretched ahead of me. There were more behind me bright, white and endless, twisting and turning like a never ending maze. All i wanted was to get to safety , but i didn't know the way.

I turned this way and that , but all the corridors looked identical. Soon i had lost my bearings and had no idea which way i had come from. I knew i had come from one of them else how would i have got here?. But i don't remember getting here i realised my panic increasing.I don't know where i came from. I don't even know what hospital this is !.

Ethan entered the room slowly. He tried to smile and say hello ,but his throat closed up at the sight of her and his eyes filled with tears. All he wanted was to throw himself onto the bed and weep but he knew he had to stay strong for Alicia. And for Cal.

Ethan took his glasses off and rubbed the tears away. It was horrible seeing Alicia like this,but his sufferings were nothing in comparison with hers. He had so nearly lost her. She must have been in so much pain and it would only continue once she woke up... if she woke up.

Ethan swallowed and made his way to the side of the bed .Very gently he took Alicia's hand in his. "Hey,Alicia," He had to stop and clear his throat."It's Ethan . Cal is really sorry he couldn't be here he's been running around saving people's lives generally being a hero".

He looked at Alicia. Her face looked so white and still, but so exquisite. As though she was made out of porcelain. She looked so fragile and at any moment, she really could break and leave them forever.

Ethan knew it wasn't that likely . Most people made a full recovery from T.R.A.L.I, but 'most' didn't apply to everyone. He couldn't assume she would be alright because he didn't know.

He smiled and then a tiny gasp escaped his lips.

Had Alicia just moved? Did her finger press against his for just one moment? Or was that his imagination?

Ethan waited , but Alicia's hand was still.

It must have been my imagination.

"Oh Alicia ," said Ethan,as his eyes filled with tears. "Please get better. If i had only one wish in this world, this is what it would be."

 

I've been really stupid ,you know," said Ethan. "Its a long story. I don't know if i want to bore you with all of it. It's not something I've spoken about before." Ethan thought of saying the words he'd denied for so long . The words he'd tried so hard not to believe.The words that had remained imprisoned with him ever since he found out. And then he thought...why not?

 

He wasn't going to get another opportunity like this. If he became angry or upset, it wouldn't matter . Alicia probably wouldn't remember any of it. He could back away as though the words had never been spoken.

 

"i found out about six months ago that i was adopted " said Ethan. "So was Cal. It came as a complete shock.That part of the story i won't tell for now . We found by accident, as a result of something else but thats really Cal's Story to tell. But our biological mother had Huntington's.We knew that there was good chance one of us would have inherited the gene. We had the tests done. That's quite a long story too, but we got the results and opened them on the beach with our biological mum. Cal opened his and said he didn't have the gene. I opened mine and said i didn't have it either. Mum died a few minutes later, so happy she hadn't passed so much pain and suffering onto one of her sons.

 

Ethan looked at Alicia. She remained still and pale. But for some reason, nothing could have encouraged Ethan more.

 

"But i was lying," said Ethan. "I did have the gene, and once mum was gone, i handed my letter to Cal.He was distraught. I completely went to pieces. All i wanted was to be Cal: the son who hadn't got the gene."He sighed sadly. "So thats what i decided to do. I decided to be like Cal. I've been doing it for months and it wasn't that bad at all actually.I do enjoy the occasional drunken night out besides from the hangover. And i really love salsa dancing, i'm not that bad at it really,and even though I've been told i should never wear it in public again, i must admit i rather like my hat."

He did wear it sometimes. Practicing salsa alone in his room. Often drunk . Because that made it easier.

"I thought it was a good thing," said Ethan. " I thought the fact I was going out and doing things I'd never done meant I'd turned a negative into a positive. I thought I was going out there and facing my diagnosis and not giving in. But i wasn't i was running away, as surely as Cal ever did."Hurriedly he added "um not that Cal runs away nearly as much as he used to do.He's been great these past few months whilst you've been critically ill.But i was running away and i do love dancing. But those jeans were a mistake . i'm glad i ruined them by bleeding all over them and they can't lie in my chest of drawers reproaching me for the next ten years because i never wore them again.i love being close to my colleagues and i secretly love my hat."

 

He felt a tremor of fear.

 

"But who knows where i'll be in ten years time? Who knows who i'll be? Will i be able to put a pair of jeans on myself even if i want to ?That's the thing babe, I don't know how much time i have left or how much time i might have left with you if you ever wake up and if you do how much use will i be to you if i don't have much time left what if we ever have kids will they have to grow up without a father in their lives and when they ask where's dad? and you tell them are they going to feel like I've been disloyal to you and that i didn't love you or them because i left them."

 

He stopped for a moment , trying to control his breathing.

 

"My basic idea was right . I do need to throw myself into life. Savour new experiences. Try somethings i was always too scared to try before. But i mustn't forget who i am . i'm a boring little geek and there's nothing wrong with that. The question i need to be asking myself- the question i should of asked myself a long time ago-is this. What would i regret most when i'm sitting in my wheelchair unable to do anything for myself?the fact that i never learned any other dances because i was too busy striving to become a consultant? Or the fact that i never became a consultant because i was too busy getting drunk and learning to dance?"

Alicia felt the pain first. A blinding pain in her head; an ache in her chest. A dull throbbing throughout her body.

 

She opened her eyes.

 

"Alicia?"

 

He was sitting by her bed, his glasses off;his eyes red."Ethan?"

 

"I...um...yes , thats me," he said , not looking entirely sure about it ."oh gosh. What do i do now?I'm sure i should know.Oh yes i remember." he raised his voice slightly and asked in a very polite tone:"Could i possibly have some help over here, please? Thank you so much."

 

The next few minutes were confusing. Painful. Terrifying. So many questions Alicia couldn't answer and pain so sharp it made her cry. Ethan gently wiped away her tears with a tissue, requesting politely that the medical staff stuck to closed questions and asking his fiancee to squeeze his hand once for a yes and twice for a no.

 

His hand was warm and comforting as she remembered it the first time they met cold and clammy. Alicia was glad he was there. She didn't know what had happened and she didn't want to be alone when she found out.

 

At last, everyone but Ethan had moved away. Alicia lay still and cried, listening to her boyfriends soothing voice and feeling the occasional brush of his hand on her skin as he dabbed her tears away."It's okay baby. I know it's scary in hospital but you're going to be okay. You're safe now and i'm here to protect you from harm."

At last , Alicia's tears stopped. She managed to move her head enough to get a good view of Ethan. "You have Huntington's."

She had no idea why those were her first words after waking up from a coma for days and feared immediately that she might upset him but Ethan just nodded."I have."

"You pretended to be someone you weren't to make it go away and that is certainly not the man i am going to marry" Whispered Alicia 

"Yes, thats right". said Ethan "silly of me wasn't it babe?I don't even know why i told you. I suppose i don't have many interesting things to talk about."

Alicia took a careful breath in."I'm glad you told me," She murmured.

"Oh. Really?" Ethan looked so suprised and pleased."Then i'm glad too."

Speaking was difficult. It took so much effort, but Alicia knew she had to get the words out. Now , before she woke up properly. Once her barriers went up, she wouldn't be able to say it again."I'm running away from who i am too."


End file.
